Narcissism, grandiosity, wound — Depth analysis (part 11)…

So, we had been discussing Domestic Violence, and Joey, an eight year old I saw, as we looked into the beginnings of the “False Self” in Narcissism, as Disorder.

One thing about Joey, right from the start, was that you never knew what was going on inside him because he had the same kind of “flat affect” we just saw in that video.  I’m going to give you two stories, about what this looks like.

Joey was very tightly controlled, on the surface.  That egg shell we were talking about?  Imagine it like armor.  Nearly impenetrable.

He wasn’t able to be messy?  So, one day after we had been doing some drawings together, and we reached an impasse, he asked me what the game of Pick-Up-Stix was about.  We had a lot of different toys in the room to work with.

I showed him how to play, by shaking the can.  All the plastic sticks exploded out by mistake, and he was “afraid” because he had made a mistake.  I told him it was okay, to make a mistake like that!  We picked up the sticks together and put them back in the can.  Then we spent the rest of the session trading off shaking the can and making “mistakes” together.  He started to laugh!  And so did I!  That was the only time I ever saw Joey be “free.”

He came to sessions by himself, walking up those steps like a little man.  Each time with him, was as if it was brand new.  There was not a sense of “joining” in the way you usually join with a client.  I wanted the hour to be fairly free for him, so that he could choose how he wanted to play.  The way I knew finally that we had joined a little, was when the rainbows appeared in his drawings alongside the skeletons.

He had a “cool” tone to his personality.  In other words, you didn’t feel “warmth” from him.  It was as if each time he came to session it was a first?  Not as if they were building upon each other.

Most agencies like this one function on grants and donations, and the agency went through a shake-up.  They decided to close the Counseling part — I had to close with all my cases.

What happened with Joey, is an example of “malignant narcissism.”

We talked for about three weeks in session that it was going to come to an end, soon.  Joey repeatedly informed me that he “didn’t need me, anyway.”  Having admitted that anything had transpired between us would have been an admission of vulnerability?  On his part.

Our second to last session was how he showed me I had meant something to him.

He wanted to fingerpaint.  I remember it was red and green poster paint.  He was very quiet, and then, without warning he leapt up onto the table.  He had a pair of child’s scissors in his hand, aimed at me like a weapon.  We were eye to eye.

It’s hard to describe the “fear” that began to constellate inside of me.  He yelled something like “I am the Green Monster Mr. Sinister” and then he was out of control, like a wild dervish.  He made hand prints all over the walls of the room with red paint.  He wouldn’t give me the scissors.  I had to physically take them away.  He began to start hitting and kicking me.  Imagine an eight year old, except it was like “super human” strength?

It all happened so fast, my fear and his escalation.  What he needed was containment?  So I got behind him and wrapped my arms around his flailing arms, he was kicking my legs so hard it was unbelievable.  I just gripped him tighter and began to tell him I knew how angry he was that I was leaving, but that I loved him, and that I always would.  Eventually, he settled down somewhat, but the whole time my heart was racing.  I had never expereinced anything like that in my life!

One thing he always liked (and insisted upon) was to have me help him wash his hands after working with the paints or pastels.  He said, “I’m going to go wash my hands.”

I was totally covered in paint, so were the walls — and he was calm.

He headed for the bathroom sink.  I could hear him saying “Ouch, it’s too hot!” like he always did at the end of our sessions.  As “the Good Mother” I always adjusted the taps until it was just perfect.  He liked me to help him soap his hands.

It was very hard for me to go in there after experiencing the wrath I had seen, but I did.  It was the last time I ever “joined” with him in that way.  He was entirely calm and in control.  He said, “I’ll see you next week.”

Recounting what had happened to my supervisor, she said, “All you need to do is show up next week and be there.”

In other words, I was stronger than his internal wrath, and he hadn’t killed me off.

On our last session, he was calm.  He informed me that he didn’t need me, wouldn’t miss me, and that soon he would be seeing somebody else.

I watched his little self march down the steps at the end of the hour.  He turned and waved good bye.

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You know, this fab writer I know had this video up called Aurora and it is so beautiful I decided to shamelessly steal it!  I need to post it, after remembering that experience.  Damn.  After malignant narcissism?

Something beautiful!

So, my heart is with all the PUMAS who are bravely in DENVER!  Right now.

Here is an interesting article for the PUMAS, so they can have a better understanding of narcissism in this election cycle.  It’s short and concise.  My client Joey?  He’d be 20 now.

Narcissism Victim Syndrome, A new diagnosis?