Narcissism, and the concept of True and False selves, Depth analysis (part 7)…
Okay, so at the beginning of this series we were looking at the “EGG” as a symbol for the self — then we moved into the classic Object Relations theorists like Melanie Klein and Winnicott, as we looked at child development — “Good Enough Mothering” — via the “good breast” or the “bad breast” — in terms of the developing infant. We talked a little about ego strength and how that forms, as well as the series of “optimal frustrations” a child goes through in order to become a self.
Here is Kohut on all of this — there is a little on him in the wikipedia, I’ll excerpt here and the links go directly back into there…he was also a fab therapist! But he went further than the object relations camp and this is how I was trained, in part. In order to work longterm, and effect real change in the personality you have to spend time! Sometimes a VERY LONG TIME! With a client. Basically, you repair the wounds that were inflicted in childhood. Imagine for a minute that the self is like a piece of swiss cheese?
A healthy sense of self doesn’t have any holes in it. Not big holes. The job of a therapist is to find those holes and figure them out, and then hopefully help the client begin to understand what they are and how they are causing the problems.
Well, remember how we talked about EGOSYNTONIC vs EGODYSTONIC?
Narcissism is EGOSYNTONIC! In other words, this type would NEVER come in for treatment because THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THEM! For a therapist to tell them there is? The fragility of that egg shell we were talking about? It couldn’t take it? Like I said, they ARE RIGHT, AT ALL TIMES. The Omnipotence is a defence mechanism? It is a way of protecting the EGO. (Read EGG)!
Here is a little Kohut..
“…Also according to Strozier, Kohut’s book The Analysis of the Self: A Systematic Analysis of the Treatment of the Narcissistic Personality Disorders [4] “had a significant impact on the field by extending Freud’s theory of narcissism and introducing what Kohut called the ’self-object transferences’ of mirroring and idealization.” In other words, children need to idealize and emotionally “sink into” and identify with the idealized competence of admired figures. They also need to have their self-worth reflected back (“mirrored”) by empathic and caregiving others. These experiences allow them to thereby learn the self-soothing and other skills that are necessary for the development of a healthy (cohesive, vigorous) sense of self. For example, therapists become the idealized parent and through transference the patient begins to get the things he has missed. The patient also has the opportunity to reflect on how early the troubling relationship led to personality problems. Narcissism arises from poor attachment at an early age. Freud also believed that narcissism hides low self esteem, and that therapy will reparent them through transference and they begin to get the things they missed. Later, Kohut added the third major self-object theme (and he dropped the hyphen in self-object) of alter-ego/twinship, the theme of being part of a larger human identification with others…”
So, basically, all you need to know is that what didn’t HAPPEN in this case was the correct mirroring in childhood. And attachments. Let’s look into that part. Remember how we were talking about the GAZE? This is what that looks like in childhood.
The baby is lying in that crib YOWLING! for some food or a diaper change. In comes the “Good Enough Mother” with a FEED! This FEED has two parts to it! One of these is the “milk” — that fixes the HUNGER — the second part of the FEED is how the mother gazes with LOVE at the infant? Maybe she is making little sounds and staring into the baby’s face and cooing and smiling at it? That “FOOD” is what the baby needs! Those TWO kinds. That is what Kohut means here, from the above!
“…Kohut called the ’self-object transferences’ of mirroring and idealization.” In other words, children need to idealize and emotionally “sink into” and identify with the idealized competence of admired figures. They also need to have their self-worth reflected back (“mirrored”) by empathic and caregiving others. These experiences allow them to thereby learn the self-soothing and other skills that are necessary for the development of a healthy (cohesive, vigorous) sense of self…”
When this happens, remember how we were talking about “optimal frustration” and how the self grows?
Each one of these instances of GOOD FEEDS allows the baby to take another step forward in developing that little SELF.
This kind of “FOOD” is what the baby needs to know it exists? In time and space. I hope that makes sense. Think of this as that block of swiss cheese. The swiss cheese started out in utero? If nothing went wrong in that first 9 months, you have a solid little block of cheese without any holes in it. Out it pops into the world! When it’s born…
The holes? Represent a wound to the core self.
So some little babies come out at birth riddled with holes, if things haven’t gone well…
stay tuned… we are going to be looking at the early abandonments, by mother and father and the concept of the TRUE and FALSE self, via Kohut.
(I hope I’m not boring you guys!) — yikes!
